Perhaps, a pair of shoes is the best metaphor to describe relationships. We search for people who will fit us in the best way, physically, emotionally, and intellectually. To build a healthy relationship, it is crucial to find a partner who will really suit us, not only our desires and wants but also our own personality. Here are a couple of things to think about while choosing a partner – all inspired by shoes. 

Don’t take a pair of shoes that are not yours

When we shop for shoes, we never think of taking men’s shoes if we are a woman. We never buy high heels if we wear only sneakers. However beautiful those high heels are, we never hope that the heel will disappear and we will start to feel comfy as if we are wearing slippers. Likewise, we don’t take the wrong size just because it was available in the shop. Right? 

Remember this metaphor next time you start a relationship with the hope that the person will change and suit you better with time. Such ideas always lead to suffering and break-ups. Maybe, your partner will change for you, or maybe they won’t. This is not your responsibility to change your partner, but this is your responsibility to choose the pair that really suits you. 

Take the pair that suits you

While shopping, we always know for sure what kind of shoes, which color, and what size and style we want to buy. Building a happy relationship requires the same level of attentiveness. Actually, people indeed choose partners in a bit similar way to how they choose shoes. We think about physical compatibility, our emotions, and our status. 

Physical compatibility

Physical compatibility is probably the easiest one to assess. We either find someone attractive or not. Though some people can say that appearance is secondary to the heart and qualities, it is true only to some extent.  For sure there are parameters that we choose with our mind, such as height, weight, eye color, and more. However, sometimes we can’t even explain why we like or dislike someone’s looks. The answer lies in more subtle signals, such as smell and even pheromones. Our bodies naturally evaluate our compatibility with each other. So if you don’t like the natural smell of your partner, this can be a purely biological signal of your body that this partner is a bad match for you and that you won’t have healthy children. In the end, nature invented relationships not just for fun, but for creating new generations, and hence it gave us enough mechanisms to succeed in the choice of the proper partner. 

Emotional compatibility

Emotional compatibility is the best answer to the question of how well our personalities match those of our partners. This is a big group, which includes communication style, shared values, and goals, as well as the ability to support and understand each other’s emotions. If we go back to the metaphor of shoes, it is highly unlikely that someone will choose even the most fashionable and beautiful pair in which they feel emotionally unforgettable. Similarly, it is a bad idea to stay with a person who seems like a good partner logically but makes you feel awful emotionally. 

Intellectual compatibility

Intellectual compatibility of partners is a good analogy to choosing the footwear suitable to your status. However nice a pair of slippers is, you will not wear them to a serious corporate event. People also need a good intellectual match, shared interests, education, and intelligence. Passion and body chemistry will go away quickly, and you will find yourself in a couple with a person, and their beliefs, their views, and thoughts. And it is better if you have some common topics to discuss. 

When you care about your shoes, they last longer

Just like a pair of shoes, a good relationship needs care and maintenance. Making an effort to listen and understand each other’s thoughts and feelings is crucial to support a relationship. A sincere talk can help you really be on the same page and walk towards your common goal – be it a healthy relationship, marriage, or family. 

One more practice needed to keep a long-lasting relationship is mutual support and respect. A relationship should make your life better, not worse. Partners in long-lasting relationships usually support each other’s individual goals and dreams, while also working together as a team towards shared goals. Remembering kindness and respect even in times of disagreement or conflict is key to a healthy relationship.